she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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