Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
