he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
