My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
