I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
