Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had to cum in my sink.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
