I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
