I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
