Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
