I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize