Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
