So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You can't just leave with hair like that
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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