it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
two words...techno handjob
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize