He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Less talking, more tequila
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
