Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
