is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
