Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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