i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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