dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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