Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
