I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
