I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we're making bets on your personal life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
