I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
