Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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