Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
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