Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
