When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
