We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
