The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
