just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
