your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
