1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize