I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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