i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
