Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
