u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Success! We fucked roommates!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
