your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
