Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
