Just fell off a train. Bad.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
