last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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