i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize