i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
