New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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