I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
