I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pants are for mortals
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
