Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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