i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
