so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
