barbara walters just said penis...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
