Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize