That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
