I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
