She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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