You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
