so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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