O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
