Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
