Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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