In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
