i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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