for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
