Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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