I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize