I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
