just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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