3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
