he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
