8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The air was thick with penises
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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