Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
