3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
