so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize