M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
