So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize