I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
