Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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