1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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