You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
