beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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