1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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