Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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