how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He? As in you personified your dick?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
