someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
well you can't waste a boner
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
