Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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