You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
