so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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