Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
