you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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