Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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