Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
